I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.