I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.