It's never as easy to keep your own spouse happy as it is to make someone else's spouse happy.

When in trouble, take a bath and wash your hair.

I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.

When I'm alone, I can sleep crossways in bed without an argument.

I was always a good housekeeper. Whenever I divorced I always kept the house.

I've been married most of my life. And when you're married, you don't have sex.

One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.