I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'