No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'

We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.

When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.