Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

The mother may be doing ninety percent of the disciplining, but the father still must have a full-time acceptance of all the children. He never must say, "Get these kids out of here; I'm trying to watch TV." If he ever does start saying this, he is liable to see one of his kids on the six o'clock news.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.