Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.