I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.

You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.

You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.