Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe.

If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.

First, a few words about this title. It isn't easy, coming up with book titles. A lot of the really good ones are taken. Thin Thighs in 30 Days, for example. Also The Bible.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.