Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe.

Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.

I read Warren Zevon's bizarre biography, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead." His wife, Crystal Zevon, posthumously published a journal he wrote and some interviews with ex-band members. Like [Keith] Richards's book "Life," it's brutally honest.

Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger.

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'