Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women.

Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.

[T]he seeds of [the Argument Culture] can be found our classrooms, where a teacher will introduce an article or an idea . . . setting up debates where people learn not to listen to each other because they're so busy trying to win the debate.

Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman.

The argument culture urges us to approach the world - and the people in it - in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: The best way to discuss an idea is to set up a debate; the best way to cover news is to find spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and present them as 'both sides'; the best way to settle disputes is litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to begin an essay is to attack someone; and the best way to show you're really thinking is to criticize.

In an ongoing relationship, each current criticism packs the punches of all the others that have gone before.