Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.