A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.