Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.

Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

I would have loved to have had a gay dad. At school, there were always kids saying 'my dad is bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!' So what? My dad will shag your dad..and your dad will enjoy it.

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.