The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesnโt need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George CarlinThe New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George CarlinGrass [marijuana] probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George CarlinYou ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.
George CarlinWe will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.
George CarlinI sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
George Carlin