People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as new as anything on the dinner table.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

As a class, Jews give three times as much money to charity as anybody else, but they feel guilty about their wealth anyway. They simply can't accept the idea of ever being Republicans.

It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!

I have no idea what's going to happen with America in the future.

I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!

Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.