Being on a sitcom stops me from getting Alzheimer's.

During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.

My father and mother. I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material.

Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.

Would you go to see a brilliant actor who's been framed for something that he didn't do, and put him on a stage and say he's going to do Hamlet for you, and why don't you enjoy it? That's a hell of an analogy, but it's about the same thing.

Hollywood never knew there was a Vietnam War until they made the movie.

I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.