I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!