I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it’s actually more like raisins into a cookie - because nobody f-‍-‍-ing wants them there.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.