When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.

When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.