When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.

When you do stand-up, you're just concerned with trying to leave with some semblance of human dignity at the end of your performance.

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.