If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

As a general rule, no one should ever be allowed to say there is no history of racial tension here, because that sentence has never been true anywhere on Earth.

You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.

When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.