Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.

I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.