The first thing I'd do [as a president] is de-regulate about 90-percent of the things that they've got regulation on, OK, including duck hunting. We're way over-regulated on everything.

There's a lot of kids who look up to me, and that's humbling. Because being human, I don't want to fail them. But being human, I will. That's why it's so important to have your faith put in something that won't fail you. And that means the Son of God's kingdom.

Everything I say is 95% truthful.

I'm always just carrying a Tupperware cup, ever since my mom went to a Tupperware party and got 'em. I've left them strewn all over the U.S. and Europe. I drink iced tea out of them.

You can't spell squirrel without si, and that's me.

One time, hey, in high school this girl told me, hey, its not you, its me.. Ofcourse its you, you dang HEFFER!

Never insult a mans beard, you either get thunder or lightning