I donโt want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I canโt think again. Not ever again.
Stephen ChboskyI don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I know other people have it a lot worse. I do know that, but it's crashing in anyway, and I just can't stop thinking that the little kid eating french fries with his mom in the shopping mall is going to grow up and my sister.
Stephen ChboskyI have decided that maybe I want to write when I grow up. I just don't know what I would write.
Stephen ChboskyTo kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
Stephen ChboskySam dropped me off. When she was too far away to see me, I started to cry again. Because she was my friend again. And that was enough for me.
Stephen ChboskyI want to be an author/director and I'm writing my second book now and I want to make a movie of it, and I hope I get to do this for the rest of my life.
Stephen ChboskySo, I looked up, and we were in this giant dome like a glass snowball, and Mark said that the amazing white stars were really only holes in the black glass of the dome, and when you went to heaven, the glass broke away, and there was nothing but a whole sheet of star white, which is brighter than anything but doesn't hurt your eyes. It was vast and open and thinly quiet, and I felt so small.
Stephen ChboskyI don't know how much longer I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like.
Stephen ChboskyI feel like a big faker because I've been putting my life back together, and nobody knows.
Stephen ChboskyBut right now Iโm here with you. And I want to know where you are, what you need, and what you want to do.
Stephen ChboskyWriting screenplays is incredibly hard. I can't call it joy. Writing Novels? Joy. Directing? Joy. Writing Screenplays? That's where you pay all your dues.
Stephen ChboskyAnd even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.
Stephen ChboskyHe realized that if he didn't leave, it would never be his life. It would be theirs.
Stephen ChboskyPart of the reason I wrote the book was I wanted to understand for myself why such good people let themselves get treated so badly.
Stephen ChboskyWhen you think back to your first kiss, your hair is perfect and she was wearing a cool outfit. We remember it with restraint and we remember it with style. We remember it as idealistically as you can think.
Stephen ChboskyThere were other stories and other names. Second Base Stace, who had breasts in fourth grade and let some of the boys feel them. Vincent, who took acid and tried to flush a sofa down the toilet. Sheila, who allegedly masturbated with a hot dog and had to go to the emergency room. The list went on and on.
Stephen ChboskyI can see it. This one moment when you know youโre not a sad story. Youโre alive. And you stand up and see the lights and the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And youโre listening to that song in that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swearโฆ we are infinite.
Stephen ChboskyAnd she says she wants to expose me to all these great things. And to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be exposed to all these great things if it means that I'll have to hear Mary Elizabeth talk about all the great things she exposed me to all the time. I don't understand that. I would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know that I gave it to them.
Stephen ChboskyI don't know if it's better to be close with your daughter or make sure that she has a better life than you do.
Stephen ChboskySo, tomorrow, Iโm leaving. And Iโm not going to let that happen again with anyone else. Iโm going to do what I want to do. Iโm going to be who I really am. And Iโm going to figure out what that is.
Stephen ChboskyThe reason I am thinking so far in advance is because school is terribly lonely. I think I've said that before, but it's getting harder every day.
Stephen ChboskyStanding on the fringes of life... offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.
Stephen ChboskyCharlie, youโre one of the most gifted people Iโve ever known. And I donโt mean in terms of my other students. I mean in terms of anyone Iโve ever met.
Stephen ChboskyShe wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.
Stephen ChboskyI didn't know that other people thought things about me. I didn't know that they looked.
Stephen ChboskyAs we all know, when you're an athlete things are a little bit easier for you. It didn't mean that what was going on inside my heart wasn't a bit of a thunderstorm, but outwardly I got along ok. I was really shy in seventh grade.
Stephen Chboskybut my dad said it was no excuse. "But I love him!" I had never seen my sister cry that much. "No, you don't." "I hate you!" "No, you don't." My dad can be very calm sometimes. "He's my whole world." "Don't ever say that about anyone again. Not even me." That was my mom.
Stephen ChboskyI just think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees her is better than she actually is. And I think it's bad when the most honest way a boy can look at a girl is through a camera.
Stephen ChboskyI sat down and tried to write a story. "Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears glasses and peers out of them with delight." That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was starting to get mad at him.
Stephen ChboskyAnd I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs. And how much those songs really mean. I think it would be great to have written one of those songs. I bet if I wrote one of them, I would be very proud. I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy. And I'm only one person.
Stephen ChboskyAs people get older, we all know, you get married and you have a child and that becomes your family, but when you're 16 years old, especially, your family is your friends.
Stephen ChboskyI don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for thousands of years. Or just not exist.
Stephen Chboskyplease believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And i will always believe the same about you.
Stephen Chbosky