It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.

If poor people want food stamps, they should become massive corporations.

I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money.

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.

It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.

I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.