As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

I feel today's society is so judgmental.

When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.

Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.