The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

The US is safest when Congress is in recess.

If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.