On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them.

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

They call it the Latin Quarter because nobody there is Latin and nobody has a quarter.

You can't tell what a man is like or what he is thinking when you are looking at him. You must get around behind him and see what he has been looking at.

The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.