On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.

It is not the return on my investment that I am concerned about; it's the return of my investment

You know, a Communist's whole life work is based on complaint of how everything is done.... So if they ever get their country running good they will defeat their own cause.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.