Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.

Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can't even commit to being uncommitted.