When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'

My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.

According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following [the minor] and choose to ignore that, keep following the minor, get into a confrontation with them, and if at any point during that process you get scared you can shoot the minor to death, and the state of Florida will say, 'Well, look: you did what you could.'

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'