When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.