In the human race today, you came last.
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.