Frankie Boyle Quotes

Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

We don't live in a shared reality, we each live in a reality of our own, and causing upset is often the price of trying to reach each other. It's always easier to dismiss other people than to go through the awkward and time consuming process of understanding them. We have given 'taking offense' a social status it doesn't deserve: it's not much more than a way of avoiding difficult conversations.

In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.