The master of ceremonies asked people to say what they thought the function of the novel might be in modern society, and one critic said, “To provide touches of color in rooms with all-white walls.” Another one said, “To describe blow-jobs artistically.
Kurt VonnegutSome persons seem to like you, and others seem to hate you, and you must wonder why. They are simply liking machines and hating machines.
Kurt VonnegutI am of course a skeptic about the divinity of Christ and a scorner of the notion that there is a God who cares about how we are or what we do. ... Religious skeptics often become very bitter towards the end, as did Mark Twain. ... I know why I will become bitter. I will finally realize that I have had it right all along: that I will not see God, that there is no heaven or Judgement Day.
Kurt VonnegutI myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d'etat imaginable.
Kurt VonnegutWe're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.
Kurt VonnegutThe thing my father was proudest of was the Ayres clock at the intersection of Washington Street and Meridian. That made him so happy. Ayres complained because he wouldn't send them a bill. There was stuff my family had done there - particularly my father and grandfather - that was quite permanent and wonderful.
Kurt VonnegutIt was headquartered in Michigan City, a long way off. I never saw Ku Klux Klan march.
Kurt VonnegutIt is a sobering thought that Gomer Pyle and the Beverly Hillbillies may be among our chief interstellar emissaries.
Kurt VonnegutEverything that ever has been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been.
Kurt VonnegutShrapnel was invented by an Englishman of the same name. Don't you wish you could have something named after you?
Kurt VonnegutBut he is tired. He puts the pistol to his head again. He says, “I never asked to be born in the first place.
Kurt VonnegutHistory is merely a list of surprises... It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again.
Kurt VonnegutUse the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
Kurt VonnegutHonest to God, Bill, the way things are going, all I can think of is that I'm a character in a book by somebody who wants to write about somebody who suffers all the time.
Kurt VonnegutIf it weren't for the message of mercy and pity in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, I wouldn't want to be a human being. I would just as soon be a rattlesnake.
Kurt VonnegutWhat Franklin Roosevelt did, which really offended them, was he strengthened the labor unions - made it possible for them to strike. The oligarchs were furious because the working class was not supposed to have any power at all.
Kurt VonnegutWhere you can see tribal behavior now is in this business about teaching evolution in a science class and intelligent design. It's the scientists themselves are behaving tribally.
Kurt VonnegutPay no attention to Caesar. Caesar doesn't have the slightest idea what's really going on.
Kurt VonnegutAnd what gift of America to the rest of the world is actually most appreciated by the rest of the world? It is African American jazz and its offshoots. What is my definition of jazz? Safe sex of the highest order.
Kurt VonnegutChildren get smashed for hours on some strictly limited aspect of the Great Big Everything, the Universe, such as water or snow or mud or colors or rocks.
Kurt VonnegutBeware of "grandfalloons" and "foma". A "grandfalloon" is a proud and meaningless association of human beings. "Foma" are harmless truths intended to comfort simple souls.
Kurt VonnegutComedians and jazz musicians have been more comforting and enlightening to me than preachers or politicians or philosophers or poets or painters or novelists of my time. Historians in the future, in my opinion, will congratulate us on very little other than our clowning and our jazz.
Kurt VonnegutThe nicest veterans in Schenectady, I thought, the kindest and funniest ones, the ones who hated war the most, were the ones who'd really fought.
Kurt VonnegutAnd Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes.
Kurt VonnegutI don't know what's going on, and I'm probably not smart enough to understand if somebody was to explain it to me. All I know is we're being tested somehow, by somebody or some thing a whole lot smarter than us, and all I can do is be friendly and keep calm and try and have a nice time till it's over.
Kurt VonnegutYou meet saints everywhere. They can be anywhere. They are people behaving decently in an indecent society.
Kurt Vonnegut