Benny Hill Quotes

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?

Do unto others, then run

I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.