Terry Pratchett Quotes

Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise.

I had a deprived childhood, you see. I had lots of other kids to play with and my parents bought me outdoor toys and refused to ill-treat me, so it never occurred to me to seek solitary consolation with a good book.

Oh, a very useful philosophical animal, your average tortoise. Outrunning metaphorical arrows, beating hares in races... very handy.

I MAY HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF SOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE.

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.

Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid chicken fat in plastic sauce.

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows.

It cannot be said often enough that science fiction as a genre is incredibly educational - and I'm speaking the written science fiction, not 'Star Trek.' Science fiction writers tend to fill their books if they're clever with little bits of interesting stuff and real stuff.

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, at birthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweet deprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took any sweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not taking all the rest. And there were so many sweets he'd never be able to eat them all. It was too much to cope with. The only solution was to burst into tears.

Belief is one of the most powerful organic forces in the multiverse. It may not be able to move mountains, exactly. But it can create someone who can. People get exactly the wrong idea about belief. They think it works back to front. They think the sequence is, first object, then belief. In fact, it works the other way.

I read the 'Old Testament' all the way through when I was about 13 and was horrified. A few months afterwards I read 'The Origin Of Species', hallucinating very mildly because I was in bed with flu at the time. Despite that, or because of that, it all made perfect sense.

Mort was already aware that love made you feel hot and cold and cruel and weak, but he hadn't realized that it could make you stupid.

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

A weapon you held and didn't know how to use belonged to your enemy.

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

You can't remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?' If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath.

Well, yes, but it's not about the football." "You're saying that football is not about football?" "It's the sharing," she said. "It's being part of the crowd. It's chanting together. It's all of it. the whole thing.

Witches were a bit like cats. They didn’t much like one another’s company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them.

I know three people who have got better after a brain tumour. I haven't heard of anyone who's got better from Alzheimer's.

Making money isn't something to be ashamed of. There's a feeling now that if you have money you must have got it by some kind of shady dealing or being an MP.

Even our fears make us feel important, because we fear we might not be.

I don't think a baker reads an awful lot about bread.

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

You can't find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing.

I've often felt depressed; everyone feels depressed.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

The significant owl hoots in the night.

Raising the flag and singing the anthem are, while somewhat suspicious, not in themselves acts of treason.

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

And what are you doing on it, I would like to know? Running away from home, yesno? If you were a boy I'd say are you going to seek your fortune?" "Can't girls seek their fortune?" "I think they're supposed to seek a boy with a fortune.

History tends to change people who think they're changing it.

And what had he wanted? He'd never sat down to think about it. But mostly, he wanted yesterday to be different from today.

The pamphlet was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.

She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

Questions don't have to make sense, Vincent," said Miss Susan. "But answers do.

Time was something that largely happened to other people; he viewed it in the same way that people on the shore viewed the sea. It was big and it was out there, and sometimes it was an invigorating thing to dip a toe into, but you couldn't live in it all the time. Besides, it always made his skin wrinkle.

Granny knew all about bad fortune-telling. It was harder than the real thing. You needed a good imagination.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol. "That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either.

Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.

Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do?

First draft: let it run. Turn all the knobs up to 11. Second draft: hell. Cut it down and cut it into shape. Third draft: comb its nose and blow its hair. I usually find that most of the book will have handed itself to me on that first draft.

When you stand between two mirrors you're spread out among the images, your whole soul is pulled out thin, and somewhere in the distant images a dark part of you might get out and come looking for you, if you aren't careful.