Dick Gregory Quotes

I believe young voters will either vote for Obama or not vote at all. So the problem is not Obama the problem is the system. If you think about how mess up this country is most folk really don’t have choices.

Because I'm a civil rights activist, I am also an animal rights activist. Animals and humans suffer and die alike. Violence causes the same pain, the same spilling of blood, the same stench of death, the same arrogant, cruel and vicious taking of life. We shouldn't be a part of it.

When you've got something really good, you don't have to force it on people. They will steal it!

The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.

The world is fed by greed.

I would have painted the White House black. I would have!

America is concerned more with the possibility of moon folks than the reality of hungry poor folks.

[A politician is] a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.

When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news.

Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it.

If you take 12 waters from the coconut - not the ones you buy in the store, although that's good - but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born.

Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.

Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.

The United States is the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet.

Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.

I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.

Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.

Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

Black Americans are the only people in history who are for education instead of liberation. George Washington wasn't beating up on British for the right to open a college! The line isn't "Give me education or give me death."

...Humans were the only creatures in the world that ate their food cooked. You'd never find a Gorilla frying up some bananas for dinner or a lion charcoal-broiling a zebra steak. Cats don't often run to the oven with a mouse or bird they've captured, and a dog wouldn't naturally prepare its rabbit dinner in a stew.

If all you can do is judge a person by their appearance, because you don't have the spirit to judge someone from within, you're in trouble.

Race baiters and discriminators may go underground, but they never move out of town.

Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.

Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes... if I knew they were going to a friendly country

One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.

People keep telling me about the white race and the black race - and it really doesn't make sense. I played Miami, met a fellow two shades darker than me - and his name was Ginsberg! Took my place in two sit-in demonstrations - nobody knew the difference. The he tried for a third lunch counter and blew the whole bit ... asked for blintzes.