Dick Gregory Quotes

Once we used to have to crank up our cars, now you can pop it on from inside your house. Everything has changed except how we get freedom.

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

Pets are found to suffer from all the ailments known to the human.

I feel that the same God-force that is the mother and father of the Pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet.

In the United States, the Constitution is a health chart left by the Founding Fathers which shows whether or not the body politic is in good health. If the national body is found to be in poor health, the Founding Fathers also left a prescription for the restoration of health called the Declaration of Independence.

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

That's easy, to stand in a nightclub, where most of the people that come in, they came to see you.

What happens to Black Folks today, happens to White Folks tomorrow.

When you look at Hitler and those thugs, you can put Walmart right next to them.

There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.

Truth is the baby of the world. It never gets old.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi.

I am one of the funniest people on the planet.

If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.

The only good thing about the good old days is they're gone.

Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.

When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.

A friend of mine who works for naval intelligence said an aerial satellite revealed that 1.9 million attended the event in 1995. But if they would have had a rumble at the march the newspapers would have said that 75 million Afro-Americans were there.

I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.

I chose to be an agitator. And there's one interesting thing about being an agitator - and I tell people - the next time you put your underwear in the washing machine, take the agitator out, and all you're going to end up with is some dirty, wet drawers.

Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.

Revolution ain't nothing but an extent of evolution; Evolution is a fact of nature. So when old folks tell me that they don't understand hip hop and the music is too loud, well I guess it means you're not supposed to be in there.

Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don't have the ability to be lovable.

To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.

It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.

Some kind of way, we have to say enough is enough.

I would never teach a child of mine to be kind to a cop who would shoot you in the back of the head. I would never have that conversation because children don't hear what you mean, they hear what you say.

The NAACP is a wonderful organization . . . But do you realize if tomorrow morning we had complete integration, all them cats would be outta work?

So why would I want to call myself a conservative after the way them white racist thugs have used that word to hide behind? They call themselves new Republicans.

Education means to bring out wisdom. Indoctrination means to push in knowledge.

No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That's already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind.

Audiences feel no hatred from me. Because I'm not bitter.

Wouldn't it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin'?

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.

Why are black folks singing Amazing Grace which is a song about a white slaver's conversion?

Civil Rights: What black folks are given in the U.S. on the installment plan, as in civil-rights bills. Not to be confused with human rights, which are the dignity, stature, humanity, respect, and freedom belonging to all people by right of their birth.

White folks are the luckiest people: Finally a black president and he's a behaved one. Went to the best schools, best colleges, never raises his voice. I ran for president in 1968. I tell (audiences) if I won, I would have dug up the Rose Garden and planted watermelon!

America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.

Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.

It's cool to be healthy.

No being should be killed. No being should be unloved.

Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?

America has the mightiest military on the planet, and they didn't get there with entertainers.

When I went south in the 1960s, I knew I could die. If I went down there and did what I did up in Chicago and made all of those hatin' white folks laugh, then I would have been defeated.