Dick Van Dyke Quotes

You need someone to love, and something to do that you enjoy, and something to hope for, and that's enough for me.

I married somebody half my age, and everybody thought I was crazy, but she is just an absolute angel.

I'm really in retirement. My career is over. I'm just playing now and having a great time. I like to keep busy, and I'm doing what's fun for me.

A lot of violence, a lot of gore in it, and I just didn't want to do that kind of thing.

I'm always announcing my retirement. I'm still not retired.

Everybody knows that I'm shorter, but it doesn't bother me at all.

I never had a lot of drive, but because I had family responsibilities, I had a lot of tenacity - the tenacity of a drowning man.

But I wish they would make a musical of some kind. I miss musicals so much. You don't see them anymore.

Walt Disney and I always said we were two children looking for our inner adults.

When I auditioned for 'Bye Bye Birdie' on Broadway, Gower Champion said, 'You've got the job!' I said, 'Mr. Champion, I can't dance.' He said, 'We'll teach you what you need to know.'

We had all week to rehearse. An audience would come in at the end of the week and we'd our little show. Most of the ad- libbing happened during the week on the show.

I know friends of mine who have never changed their mind about anything in their lives, despite evidence from all directions. And I think if you can keep an open mind and some understanding, that helps you stay young.

We used to get 27, 28 minutes to do a story in, and now they're lucky if they get 18 or 20 minutes. So I don't think they can really do a beginning, a middle, and an end anymore. There's an awful lot of one-line jokes; almost every line is a punchline. It's not the same, but there's still good comedy around.

I just think everyone needs their own private space.

When I get some budding young comic who'll come up to me and say, 'What was it like to do it in those days?' I try to be as gracious to him as Stan Laurel was to me.

If you spend your life thinking, "I wonder if today is when it ends," you're going to miss out on everything wonderful.

I think, the 'Van Dyke Show' and 'Mary Poppins' are two of the best periods of my life. I had so much fun, I didn't want it to end.

I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a great thrill for me. He left me his bow tie and derby and told me that if they ever made a movie about him, he'd want me to play him.

Longevity in my family's been pretty good. And my grandparents were pretty spry at their age, so I figured I'd probably stay skinny and fairly agile. I used to do old men all the time in sketches. And there used to be an organization called the Gray Panthers. And they would send me, oh, terrible letters about making fun of old people. And I would just always say, "I'm playing the old person I intend to become!"

I've won several Emmys, a Tony and a Grammy so maybe somebody will let me have an Oscar, and then I'll have a full set.

A lot of the guilt didn't help my drinking at that point. I never expected a divorce to happen in my life particularly, but it just slowly happened. My wife was proud of me, but she hated the business, and for good reason. The spouses get moved, shoved aside, and ignored, and it's just, it's terrible.

I've always been a bit of an orphan, because actors say, 'Well, he's more of a dancer.' And dancers say, 'No. He's really a singer.' And singers say, 'No. He's an actor.'

Emotionally I'm about 13.

I wasn't a falling-in-the-gutter type. I drank at home because it relaxed me. I was shy around new people, but after a drink or two, I became more sociable.

I don't play golf. I have more fun singing and dancing.

I've met presidents, but I've never performed for one. I said it was the first time in 50 years I actually had butterflies. You know, the Obamas were sitting out there, the Supreme Court, Maya Angelou, and Desmond Tutu for God's sake, all in the front row.

Only funny line I've had was my first day on the set of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They were making me up, and I saw the director call the makeup man over, and he says "What are we going to do about the hooter?" And the makeup guy said, "I'm not a plastic surgeon." So I started that show with a big nose, and quite conscious of it.

I loved to fall down.

I can't work with my brother without laughing.

I like 'The Office.' I particularly like the British version with Ricky Gervais. Of course, I liked the 'Seinfeld' show a lot. I thought that was an awfully good show.

I've got plenty of arthritis. But if you keep moving, it won't bother you that much. That's why old guys stiffen up. They forget they have to get out of their chairs and do something. You let the moss grow over, it's your own fault.

I worked nightclubs all through my 20s, and I was a teetotaler.

Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad.

There are people with their iPads are taking pictures so much that they're not experiencing the moment. They go home and look at the pictures later.

I found doing that kind of comedy without an audience is just... for me, it's almost impossible. You need the audience to do their half of the work.

So I think we're kind of an alternate choice for people who have had it with sex and violence.

Haters are going to hate.

We all know we're going to die. We're all circling the drain. Some of us are closer than others. I'm 90, I know I'm closer to the drain than most people.

I cannot tell you what it means when children recognize. This is about the third generation for me. And when kids that small recognize me, it really pleases me, very gratifying.

You're going to die. That's going to happen. What matters is what you do with your time before you get flushed out.

I have two kids who were like me, we get out of bed feeling good, and the other two would sit at the breakfast table and grumble. I think it's born into us. I usually wake up feeling pretty good. Looking forward to the day.

I've never been what you'd call a great singer, but I loved to sing.

My wife, as proud as she was of me, hated show business for good reasons. There was something about the spouse always being pushed out of the way, shoved aside. She wanted to get away from it.

I'm not a loner. I have to have a life partner.

I turned down some movies that were quite good. mainly on the basis of taste.

Young people ask me for advice, and I tell them to do what I didn't do. Get some training. I took jobs that required talents I didn't have.

I wanted to be a radio announcer.

I wouldn't mind taking a chance at Real Time, I've always thought if I could pick my interviewer, it'd be Charlie Rose, who I think is the best.