Jo Brand Quotes

Over the years I attempted to make my style a bit more relaxed 'cause the initial style you couldn't watch for more than ten minutes without wanting to kill me.

The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.

I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

I've seen a lot of women give up after they've had three or four bad gigs in a row. It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.

It wasn't a conscious effort to have kids later. It was just the way life goes.

I wouldn't say I was organised at all. I just have to prioritise. Is it more important for them to be organised, or to have their dinner, do you know what I mean?

If you're a fat person - and especially if you're a woman - at all stages of your life you'll get abuse for it, so you have to work out a way of dealing with it. The best way is to be humorous about it - that defuses any tension.

What they did was to make a pilot and it may well go to series at the next festival but I don't have any news on that. It's already been on Paramount actually, but as it's on Paramount it'll probably be on several more times... hopefully.

Let's face it: I am not a professional runner.

There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.

I don't know if we will ever try again because those sort of things are very hard to organise but yes, I've known Doon for years and John as well but I hadn't met Will before, and he turned out to be a good laugh.

I'm not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke.

When I was a nurse I never had much money, and I was still happy then.

When you get to know someone, you find there's something nasty in their woodshed.

I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.

I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing.

I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.

I do say no to lots of things, actually! I know it doesn't look like it. But I have a tendency to a) be rubbish at saying no, and b) be pushed by some kind of Protestant work ethic.

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

I think actors go along a continuum from Simon Callow down to kind of Ross Kemp, and I like to think of myself as the Ross Kemp of comedy. He's very good in 'East Enders' because he plays a version of himself. I think I can play a version of myself - that's about all I can do.

I like to shock people.

I've always been criticised for how filthy my material is. Victoria Wood said to me once, 'I wish I was a bit ruder, like you,' and I said, 'Well, I wish I was a bit cleaner, like you.'

I suspect most politicians feel overwhelmed because people's lives are a real struggle, full of unhappiness, and you would probably feel powerless to do anything about it.

If I am totally honest, I would have to say that ''Allo 'Allo!' was not my cup of tea, even though lots of people loved it. For that reason, I find comedy fascinating. There is a huge difference between what people find funny.

Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.

It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.

I was always being called upon to be an honorary boy alongside my brothers. I don't think I'd be a comic now if it hadn't been for that.

British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.

I've no interest in fashion, shoes, handbags, or sweaty shopping.

I have such admiration for single mothers. I simply don't comprehend how you'd cope with that intensity, the lack of breaks, ever, on your own.

Whatever situation you are in, that is what is normal for you.

I'm sure some cynical people would point to that as the main reason for doing it for a lot of people.

When you cry, you don't look very attractive; you look snotty and blotchy. People seem to manage to cry quite prettily these days, and to me, that smacks of not being very genuine.

They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.

I cannot abide anyone treating another human being like a piece of dirt, whatever the context.

I've been breastfeeding for two years. I could light the gas ring with my nipples.

I think my comedy, the put-downs I do to hecklers, are the accumulated bitterness of years of people feeling that it's perfectly acceptable to make a comment on your appearance when they don't even know you.

My mum taught me to knit when I was a child, and I turn to it, for some weird reason, when I'm feeling depressed.

I believe that if your brain has to get to grips with complicated words, then you won't get Alzheimer's. I'm sure it's not true, but I do believe it.

On the whole, you can have a private life and be famous. But when milestones happen in your life like having children or getting married, privacy goes out of the window.

My dad's a very sensitive man, but as the archetypal rebellious teenager, I didn't realise that.

I think it's so easy when you have children just to turn your focus inward on your family and because, when they're young, you don't sleep very much, you're walking around like a zombie most of the time anyway. It's a really important part of my life to have good friends, you have to work quite hard to keep the relationships going but it's worth it.

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

I think there's a danger that we're moving towards a state where the people we are expected to admire are almost not human anymore, and I don't like that. I prefer it when someone looks like a nice person, and you think, 'I could have a laugh with them in the pub.'

I've always liked to think I could do anything I wished as well as - if not better than - a man. But I wasn't very good at rally driving.

Once you get labelled, people expect you to behave within the very narrow confines of that label.

In the end, punk inevitably burned itself out and acted as a bridge across which the New Romantics could sashay in their chiffon and glossy hair.

I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.