Eoin Colfer Quotes

Ma was using her for-company voice. Sweet on the outside but with an underlying death threat.

Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already.

There’s always time for babbling.

I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn." Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer. Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.

Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening somewhere along the dimensional axis. These things happen a billion times over with exactly the same outcome and no one learns anything. Whatever a person can think, imagine, wish for, or believe has already come to pass. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.

Holly died without a friend to hold her hand. Artemis felt her go, another gift of the magic. He kept on counting, brushing away the tears on his cheeks.

Scientists are the enemies of tradition , and tradition own all the prisons. - Victor Vigny

Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said. "Not me!" said Orion cheerily, "I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.

That's the last order I'll ever give you Captain. Don't you dare ignore it.

And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it. This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.

The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.

And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.

I have no time for babbling foolishness.” “Don’t be so hasty,” said Victor. “There’s always time for babbling.

Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.

Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes." "That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly. "Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.

...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?!

Maybe I’ll keep you.” Abbot chuckled and prodded Artemis’s back with his sword. “It’d be nice to have a pet human around. I could teach you tricks.” “I have a trick for you,” said Artemis, and he fired a single blast from the gun.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

He threw his head back and sang, "'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.' It's not like you to wax, Artemis" "Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?

Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers.

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.

Good. Illegal is always faster.

Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut." Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell. "I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.

I don't like lollipops.

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!

Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?

I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.

...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

Most craft give a nod, however brief and unfriendly, towards beauty. Vogon ships did not nod towards beauty. They pulled on ski masks and mugged beauty in a dark alley They spat in the eye of beauty and bludgeoned their wait through the notions of aesthetics and aerodynamics. Vogon cruisers did not so much travel through space as defile it and toss it aside.

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

My bugs don't have bugs.

Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?

You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue

My truffles? You took them? That's just mean!

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?” “Cheese made by dwarfs.” “Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .” “No. What a horrible thought.” “Exactly.

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Miss me? Bet you did ... so would I.

No, I don't think you understand just how stupid goblins are. Let me give you an example. One of the B'wa Kell generals, and this is their top fairy, was caught caught trying to pass off forged credit slips by signing his own name.

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

I have to tell you, Arty, a screw up this early in the proceedings doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. I hope you're as clever as you keep telling everyone you are." "I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperance, is a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the Russian Mafia and a crack team of plastic surgeons.