Groucho Marx Quotes

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.

Only if the computers really love each other.

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.

TV is the rat race of the century.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!