Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.
Henry CloudA person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.
Henry CloudBecause dating is a human exercise, it can be a tightrope fraught with danger. You will be dating imperfect people, and some of them are more imperfect than others. In addition, you are not perfect either, so that complicates the picture.
Henry CloudWhen a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability to express lightheartedness. This is the breadth of emotion that allows an adult to experience intimacy with a spouse, with God, and with his children
Henry CloudValues are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.
Henry CloudPeople tend to look at dating sort of like a safari - like they're trying to land the trophy.
Henry CloudThe extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.
Henry CloudWhen a person travels through a few years with an organization, or with a partnership, or any other kind of working association, he leaves a 'wake' behind in these two areas, task and relationship: what did he accomplish and how did he deal with people?
Henry CloudWhen you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.
Henry CloudGetting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.
Henry CloudJust as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.
Henry CloudThe amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.
Henry CloudIn a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are ridiculously in charge, then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.
Henry CloudDating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is.
Henry CloudEndings are a part of life, and we are actually wired to execute them. But because of trauma, developmental failures, and other reasons, we shy away from the steps that could open up whole new worlds of development and growth.
Henry CloudWho a person is will ultimately determine if their brains, talents, competencies, energy, effort, deal-making abilities, and opportunities will succeed.
Henry CloudDating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.
Henry CloudDating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.
Henry CloudWhen we can't hold back, or set boundaries, on what comes from our lips, our words are in charge-not us. But we are still responsible for those words. Our words do not come from somewhere outside of us, as if we were a ventriloquist's dummy. They are the product of our hearts. Our saying, "I didn't mean that," is probably better translated, "I didn't want you to know I thought that about you." We need to take responsibility for our words. "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matt. 12:36).
Henry CloudI'm not an expert in the sociological realities of all the pastors in the world, but I would say that there are some very, very positive things about the state of integrity in church leaders.
Henry CloudThere is a difference between solitude and isolation. One is connected and one isn't. Solitude replenishes, isolation diminishes.
Henry CloudWhen truth presents itself, the wise person see the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments. The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.
Henry CloudWe change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.
Henry CloudGrief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would all be condemned to a life of continually denying reality, arguing or protesting against reality, and never growing from the realities we experience.
Henry CloudCouples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.
Henry CloudIf you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.
Henry CloudIf you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy and you have to be connected to a community that is doing what you want to do.
Henry CloudIf your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.
Henry CloudA good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.
Henry CloudYou have to be able to face losing some things you might want in order to be free to do the right thing.
Henry CloudBoundaries are basically about providing structure, and structure is essential in building anything that thrives.
Henry CloudTo get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.
Henry Cloud