Albert Ellis Quotes

Lack of forgiveness of others breeds lack of self-forgiveness.

Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind - a biased, prejudiced, or strongly evaluative kind - of thought.

I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive forms of therapy, so I was trained in it and practiced it. Then I found that it intensively went into every irrelevancy under the sun - and that it didn't work. People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.

Is self-esteem a sickness? That's according to the way you define it. In the usual way it is defined by people and by psychologists, I'd say that it is probably the greatest emotional disturbance known to man and woman.

The emotionally mature individual should completely accept the fact that we live in a world of probability and chance, where there are not, nor probably ever will be, any absolute certainties, and should realize that it is not at all horrible, indeed—such a probabilistic, uncertain world.

You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting.

We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.

I don't recommend that people speak their minds to their bosses or to somebody who's directly over them. You need to know when to speak your mind and what the penalty will be for doing so. Sometimes it's worth it, and often it's not!

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness. They always have the power to think, and to think about their thinking, and to think about thinking about their thinking, which the goddamn dolphin, as far as we know, can't do. Therefore they have much greater ability to change themselves than any other animal has, and I hope that REBT teaches them how to do it.

In a sense, the religious person must have no real views of his own and it is presumptuous of him, in fact, to have any. In regard to sex-love affairs, to marriage and family relations, to business, to politics, and to virtually everything else that is important in his life, he must try to discover what his god and his clergy would like him to do; and he must primarily do their bidding.

The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is to feel ashamed of or self-hating for.

Spirit and soul is horseshit of the worst sort. Obviously there are no fairies, no Santa Clauses, no spirits. What there is, is human goals and purposes as noted by sane existentialists. But a lot of transcendentalists are utter screwballs.

Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.

I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs.

If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one's feelings by controlling one's thoughts - or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.

The Freudian tradition will never completely die because it has a few good points. For example, people have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware. Most of cognitive therapy has now adopted a similar idea. On the other hand, the relationship part of psychoanalysis - where you must have a deep, emotional relationship with the client - will, I think, get kicked in the teeth one of these days.

Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny.

People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.

The easy way out is often just that-the 'easy' way out of the most rewarding lifestyle.

Reality is not so much what happens to us; rather, it is how we think about those events that create the reality we experience. In a very real sense, this means that we each create the reality in which we live.

If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic.

Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.

There are three musts that hold us back: "I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy." And I sometimes think that as long as we keep the second must, which is socially learned, then some screwballs 100 years from now will manufacture atomic bombs in their bathtub and maybe annihilate the whole human race because they demand that the rest of the world must agree with their dogmas. When we don't agree, they may zap us.

Stop shoulding on yourself

By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed with them because, again, I don't care too much what other people think.

People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.

By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.

To err is human; to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be sensible and realistic.

And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.

I'm very happy. I like my work and the various aspects of it - going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert.

I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn't love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression.

Whining about your own, others', or the world's failings is a main element in what we usually call neurosis.

Needing leads to bleeding - to almost all inevitable suffering.

People are terrified of other people or difficult projects because they tell themselves that they could fail or be rejected. Failure can lead to sorrow, regret, frustration and annoyance - all healthy, negative feelings without which people couldn't exist. But then they add, "I absolutely must succeed and must be loved by significant persons, and if I don't, it's terrible and I'm no good." Those are irrational beliefs. As long as people keep them, they'll be terrified of life and will put themselves down when they get rejected.

You mainly feel the way you think.

The great majority of the things we now make ourselves panicked about are self-created 'dangers' that exist almost entirely in our own imaginations.

Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.

If I had been a member of the academic establishment, I could have done other experiments.

So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities.

The trouble with most therapy is that it helps you feel better. But you don't get better. You have to back it up with action, action, action.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.

Thinking rationally is often different from "positive thinking," in that it is a realistic assessment of the situation, with a view towards rectifying the problem if possible.

I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive forms of therapy, so I was trained in it and practiced it.

Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.

Eating is always a decision, nobody forces your hand to pick up food and put it into your mouth.

If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they'll kill themselves laughing.

You never truly need what you want. That is the main and thoroughgoing key to serenity.