Albert Brooks Quotes

Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for president. His hair will announce on Friday.

Art and resistance are great together. That's what art's made for. Look at Vincent van Gogh: He didn't cut off his ear because he was selling well.

The world really changed after 9/11, not just in the tragic way, but in every way. So it took me a couple of years to even understand how my art form I could process any of this. When the world changed, eliciting laughter with subjects that were funny to me before 9/11 just didnt seem good enough.

I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.

Regrets are stupid; they don't mean anything and they don't add up to anything.

When I went to acting school, the kids that got the best grades were the kids that could cry on cue. But it didn't really translate into careers for any of them, because the external is the easy part.

Film is the cheapest part of the movie making process. The expense is the 100-man crew and the financing and everything.

Nothing surprises me. After Donald Trump, nothing matters, does it?

I take anything other than 'you big pig!' as a compliment.

How many people didn't get a part who would have been better than the person who got the part? Thousands.

I just like making people laugh, and buried in that I like to bring up topics and start discussions.

One of the things I like about a character: I always think it's fascinating when a character can turn on a dime and go from one emotion to another. I like watching that.

Once you sign on as an actor, you know, you don't go to the editing room, you don't see how they cut, you don't see how they score, you don't see how they cast the rest of the movie.

Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything - real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can't get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you're in for the ride of your life.

I don't think the goal is, 'How big a star did you ever become?' I think the goal is, 'Were you able to express yourself?'

I'm not interesting enough on my own that you'd want to see a film about me.

Don't worry, and don't kick yourself forever. Just take the opportunities when they come.

As an actor, if you're just sitting and staring and you don't know who you are in your own mind, it's vacant. And sometimes the camera is an X-ray machine, it can pick it up.

A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!

I can't not put humor in a book.

I've seen the future! It's a bald-headed man from New York!

My mother was supportive without knowing it. Deep down she wanted all the right things, she just didn't see the world like I did, and she's not supposed to.

Nobody will leave any place unless they're forced out. That's the nature of humans. Once you're there, you're there. I've never seen anybody get up voluntarily and leave any place.

I've done performances in movies that I was immensely proud of and the movies didn't take off like a rocket at Cape Canaveral, it didn't take off.

I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.

I guess 'The Player' was a pretty good L.A. movie. And 'Chinatown.' Was there ever a better L.A. movie about a certain period in L.A.? That was terrific.

Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?

I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.

I never wanted to be a director.

What naturally stops you making the film is there is no more money in the budget. That's really what it is. If you had an unlimited budget, if you were a billionaire and you financed your own movies, then you can either date, because you can sit in an editing room for six years, like Howard Hughes, and never finish anything.

You can equate acting to a tennis game: When you're playing one of the best, you get better.

When I was younger, I wasn't concentrating on good days. I was managing a career and trying to have a good year. It would always 'lead' to something, which never leads to anything except death, where everything leads to. And then as I got older, and then I had my kids and everything, I began to appreciate a great Wednesday.

The whole world is tense. Everybody gets the international news. Theres been no American comedy at all that even remotely addresses the subject in any way. My goal isnt to solve the worlds problems. My character wasnt even able to do his assignment. But the premise of wanting to find out about somebody -- other than the stuff that the CIA will tell you -- theres no hope unless we do that.

Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'

You always got to be happy when somebody likes what you do. It's stupid not to be happy.

I've never been disappointed, because I've never given somebody I liked that much power.

All improv turns into anger. All comedy improv basically turns into anger, because that's all people know how to do when they're improvising. If you notice shows that are improvising are generally people yelling at each other.

Well, you know, with every character, if you're going to expose yourself, you've got to figure out every detail that you're going to play. So there's no character that you can just go put on his shirt and be fully prepared.

I have children. I have a family to support. But I really could live in a one-room apartment, as long as the television worked. I never needed anything. Just a comfortable chair and I'm fine.

If anything happens to me, tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way, they'll have to reevaluate me.

When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.

There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.

Movies are an expensive business.

I've always enjoyed stories that take place in the future but my one disappointment was that the future books described never came. We're not on other planets, there are no flying cars, and the only robots we have in our homes just sweep the floor. So I wanted to write about a future that I thought could really happen. People ask me when I tell them the title of the book, 'Are we all dead?' The good news is, no. We're still here. And I even think the future in my book is strangely hopeful, although I'm sure there will be people who strongly disagree.

Someone asked me "what do you think of Donald Trump?" And I said, "I would rather vote for Hillary Clinton in jail." If she gets convicted, I'll vote for her for president.

It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not.

Most entertainment is trying to get you. It's tested, like toothpaste.