I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.
Janet EvanovichA woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.
Janet EvanovichOn the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.
Janet EvanovichI always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic . . . it's a multifaceted experience. If you lose the faith, chances are you'll keep the guilt, so it isn't as if you've been skunked altogether.
Janet EvanovichThis is war,' I yelled through the door. Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.
Janet EvanovichTHE NOTE said the first clue was "in the big one." I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn't do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.
Janet EvanovichIs there anything else you need from me?" Ranger asked. "Not right now." "There will come a time," Ranger said. "Let me know when." And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
Janet EvanovichIt wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight." - Stephanie Plum
Janet EvanovichIt's the twenty-first century." I told Tank. "Women drive." "Only in my bed," Tank said. "Never in my car.
Janet EvanovichValerie was crying, too. She was laughing and sniffling back sobs. “I’m going to marry my snuggy wuggums,” she said. Morelli paused, his fork halfway to the roast chicken platter. He slid his eyes to me and leaned close. “If you ever call me snuggy wuggums in public I’ll lock you in the cellar and chain you to the furnace.
Janet EvanovichI buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table
Janet EvanovichI think money isn't any good sitting around, so I spend some time in the shoe department at Saks.
Janet EvanovichI don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
Janet EvanovichI was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. “I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said. “It’s floor,” I told him. “I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.
Janet EvanovichWhen Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.
Janet EvanovichHe’s sort of a homeless horse,” I said. “I’m leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won’t be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don’t want that horse in my apartment.” “Who would put a horse in an apartment? That’s dumb.” “Where’s the horse staying now?” “My apartment.” “I can always count on you to brighten my day,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.
Janet EvanovichI disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.
Janet EvanovichFrom the look on your face, I'd say you know him." I nodded. "Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school." Connie grunted. "Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli
Janet EvanovichAny intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.
Janet EvanovichBabe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early." -Ranger
Janet EvanovichThe note wasn't signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.
Janet EvanovichLooks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week." Carl Costanza - Hot Six
Janet EvanovichDiesel is back," Ranger said. Yes. How did you know?" I woke up with a migraine this morning." Ranger said.
Janet EvanovichYou can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you." "You are such a cop." "Tell me about it.
Janet EvanovichRanger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said. Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.
Janet EvanovichAre you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?
Janet EvanovichI guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.
Janet EvanovichI don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean
Janet EvanovichI don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple.
Janet EvanovichThe elevator doors opened, and Ranger stepped out and spied Tank stretched out on the carpet. "Fainted," I said. Ranger walked to Tank and stood hands on hips, staring down at him. "Tank doesn't faint. I've been in firefights with him. He's a rock." "Well, the rock fainted.
Janet EvanovichMooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities" You mean like a guardian angel?" I mean, like, it has seatbelts
Janet EvanovichHe reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun. "I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up for you," Ranger said. "I found it in the cookie jar." "Tough guys always keep their gun in the cookie jar." "Name one." "Rockford." Ranger grinned. "I stand corrected.
Janet EvanovichSince I can barely write two books a year the best solution seems to be co-author projects. My goal isn't to get another writer to clone me... it's more to produce a book that shares my vision of positive, fun entertainment.
Janet EvanovichTruth is, I think naked men are kind of strange looking what with their doodles and ding-dong hanging loose like they do. Nevertheless, there's the curiosity thing. I guess it's another one of those car crash experiences, where you feel compelled to look even if you know you'll be horrified.
Janet Evanovich