Amy Sedaris Quotes

More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They don't like to see an ugly lady.

You just can't enjoy any of the movie when you're in it.

although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.

I always find something to keep me busy.

When you hear someone use the word 'meds' instead of the word 'medicine,' chances are they're no stranger to massive doses of mind-altering psychotropic drugs. Back out of the room slowly.

I'm not very good with drink recipes. If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month.

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.

Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were.

I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.

My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it's true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it's right there.

But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress.

Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great.

I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.

I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.

That's how all theater should be done - you only have one chance to see it and then it's gone. One night only.

I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it because you needed it.

Before you can give of yourself to others you must know what of yourself you have to give. Every person is special. In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.

I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, 'See, magic happens.' Works every time.

I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.

All my muscles are in my face. I have a very muscular face. I'm good with faces. I always have been.

I like dramas and stuff. That's what I watch, but it seems weird that I'd be in it.

I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.

I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I'm such a homebody, it's important to be surrounded by things I love.

On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris

If I know I have to memorize lines, I'm really gonna try to memorize lines. It's hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you're trying really hard to get them the way they said it.

My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good.

Gift-wrap the framed artwork on your walls and rehang them - what's nicer than a wall of presents to look at?

I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.

I like to be the one in charge of everything.

I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.

I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.

I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I've always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.

I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again.

I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.

Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.

A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.

I try to pick music for a diner that doesnt involve a lot of lyrics, so you're not paying attention to that. As long as it doesnt dominate the party, it should be more atmosphere music. When I'm by myself, I never play music.

As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: 'That was the best time I ever had,' and it's always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.

I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt.

Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.

My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.

Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.

I've been to some funerals where there's a lot of laughing - it's about celebrating their new journey. I can't think of anything. There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything.

If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.

Don't associate me with comedy. And please don't say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.

I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.

I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.