Kinky Friedman Quotes

This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don't have a state tax there, and that's why Texas is big growth because you don't tax people to death.

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.

I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen.

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.

It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.

The people I respect all died broke and despairing. They didn't leave a lot of hammered iron behind them like Donald Trump has done.

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.

He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

I'm well aware that the Nelson Mandelas and the Winston Churchills of the world happened by accident. They usually come out of nowhere.

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

May the God of your choice bless you.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

One thing we are sure of is there's no one like Nelson Mandela out there. That's too bad for us.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.