Kinky Friedman Quotes

If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

I don't feel bad about losing.

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.

Young people are the key to this election.

You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.

A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

I want to fight the wussification of the State of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.

We're going to make that Lone Star shine again.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.

I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

The child-teacher relationship is crucial.

I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans.

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.

No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.

I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won't let them get married. So that's not common sense.

When you record something, you never know who's going to hear it.

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.

Sometimes performing someone else's song is more difficult than writing your own.

My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50.

If you're going to be an artist, you need to be an original.

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.

True love usually results in a hostage situation.

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.

I believe that voices like Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader should be heard. They don't have to be president. Give 'em a chance.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.