Mark Twain Quotes

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Mark Twain

The writing begins when youโ€™ve finished. Only then do you know what youโ€™re trying to say.

Mark Twain

You must not pay a person a compliment, and then straightway follow it with a criticism.

Mark Twain

Truth is such a precious article - let us all economize in its use.

Mark Twain

The most permanent lessons in morals are those which come, not of book teaching, but of experience.

Mark Twain

Why should anybody want to save the human race, or damn it either? Does God want its society? Does Satan?

Mark Twain

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

Mark Twain

We are all alike, on the inside.

Mark Twain

We are all ignorant; just about different things.

Mark Twain

The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.

Mark Twain

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.

Mark Twain

As to the adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Mark Twain

Life is short, break the rules.

Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Mark Twain

Perhaps no poet is a conscious plagiarist, but there seems to be warrant for suspecting that there is no poet who is not at one time or another an unconscious one.

Mark Twain

....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.

Mark Twain

To stand still is to fall behind.

Mark Twain

What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.

Mark Twain

Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do.

Mark Twain

It is wiser to find out than to suppose.

Mark Twain

It is human life. We are blown upon the world; we float buoyantly upon the summer air a little while, complacently showing off our grace of form and our dainty iridescent colors; then we vanish with a little puff, leaving nothing behind but a memory - and sometimes not even that. I suppose that at those solemn times when we wake in the deeps of the night and reflect, there is not one of us who is not willing to confess that he is really only a soap-bubble, and as little worth the making.

Mark Twain

The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind.

Mark Twain

Names are not always what they seem.

Mark Twain

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

Mark Twain

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

Mark Twain

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

Mark Twain

Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!

Mark Twain

There is only one good sex. The female one.

Mark Twain

I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.

Mark Twain

But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.

Mark Twain

Bridgeport?" Said I. "Camelot," Said he.

Mark Twain

Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.

Mark Twain

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

Mark Twain

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Mark Twain

When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

Mark Twain

I'm in favor of progress; it's change I don't like.

Mark Twain

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

Mark Twain

We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.

Mark Twain

Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.

Mark Twain

...the person that had took a bull by the tail once had learnt sixty or seventy times as much as a person that hadn't, and said a person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!

Mark Twain

I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.

Mark Twain

Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either.

Mark Twain

Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.

Mark Twain

Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.

Mark Twain

We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.

Mark Twain

If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

Mark Twain

What is the real function, the essential function, the supreme function, of language? Isn't it merely to convey ideas and emotions? Certainly. Then if we can do it with words of fonetic brevity and compactness, why keep the present cumbersome forms?

Mark Twain
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