Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say"?

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.

We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want.

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.

Nonviolent Communication shows us a way of being very honest, but without any criticism, without any insults, without any put-downs, without any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness.

The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury, never to punish or to cause individuals to suffer, repent or change.

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

NO is always a YES to something else.

We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.

If we want to make meetings productive, we need to keep track of those whose requests are on the table.

My need is for safety, fun and to have distribution of resources, a sustainable life on the planet. NVC is a strategy that serves me to meet these needs.

Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

With empathy, I'm fully with them, not full of them — that's sympathy.

As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.

What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.

This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.

When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.

Use the words "I feel because I" to remind us that what we feel it isn't because of what the other person did, but because of a choice I've made.

Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion.

I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.

Ask before offering advice or reassurance.

When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention-to shine the light of consciousness-on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking.

What all the basic religions are saying is this: Don't do anything that isn't play.

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.

Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.

What bores the listener bores the speaker too.

Empathy before education.