Zach Galifianakis Quotes

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics.

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.

I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.

When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.

That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.

I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.

You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.

Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.